— Stacey Jean Speer (via cultivate-solitude)
My emotional system is completely shut down. I feel like a drone on auto pilot. I feel like I’m having an out of body experience watching myself and I feel pretty ugly. Make that fugly.
As a young adult, my mind keeps saying I should have known better. Years and years of diligent practise should have been put to good use. Instead, I shattered a fragile self again by doing the opposite. No self control when tapping into nurtured rage. Now I know the meaning of “blind anger”. (In literal sense.) It’s grotesque.
Just when I thought it was all right to let the walls come down to enjoy the peace, the devil comes calling in to remind me it isn’t that simple. Somethings never change. Deep down in the blackhole centred on my sinful soul, the road to redemption has stretched even further now.